Maison du Fou

This recipe was inspired by the constant misrepresentation, denial, deluded bragging, and outright lying that people do online. In addition to the concept of deception, this sandwich is based on two of the more famous French sandwiches: the croque-monsieur and the pan-bagnat. I invite the gourmands and gourmets among you to take a shot whenever you feel your soul hurt, which will be pretty often.

You need:

A small baguette or similar roll

Miracle Whip

imitation crab

turkey bologna

swiss cheese

cocktail onions

imitation bacon bits

egg beaters

Total cost: $ 10- $ 20

Slice a small baguette or whatever similarly proportioned roll you could find at the local bodega in half. Lay both sides flat. Preheat an oven to 350.

Spread Miracle Whip lightly on both sides. Note that the croque-monsieur is made with a white sauce and Miracle Whip is white; ergo fuck it, same thing.

Cut three slices of precut swiss cheese and three slices of turkey bologna in half and distribute them evenly across both halves of the bread, with the cheese on top of the bologna. Swiss is just gruyere’s less pretentious cousin and turkey bologna is like the ham of the proletariat, so really we’re just taking sandwich-making back from the fat cats.

Place about 2.5 oz of imitation crab on top of the cheese on the bottom slice. Imitation crab is pollock dressed up all fancy-like, making it superior to the lowly tuna, which is only ever used to imitate dirty vaginas. Put that in the oven for 10 minutes on a baking sheet lined with tin foil because fucked if you’re doing dishes today, what with all of the tv there is.

Scramble up one serving of egg beaters, adding whatever spices you prefer. Note that hardboiling eggs must not be all that great since you can’t hardboil eggs from a carton and cartons are the only type of packaging that the government nanobots can’t penetrate. Add some cocktail onions. They will add a touch of class and surely signal to your beloved that you will both be sipping martinis on the beach just as soon as that hapless Nigerian prince is able to recover his inheritance. True, they do not come in cartons (Cocktail onions, that is. You’ve never seen a Nigerian prince, so you can’t be certain.), but it’s good to diversify. It keeps your mind open, unlike all of those heckling bastards online who were too narrow-minded to understand that your PhDs in homeopathy and faith healing make you an expert on oncology.

When the sandwich has finished cooking, carefully place the scrambled egg beaters atop the pollock and give the whole mess a generous sprinkle of imitation bacon bits. Chipotle sauce is also recommended.

Cut the sandwich in half, give half to your girlfriend, put Lars and The Real Girl on yet again, and wonder why your lover hasn’t said anything in the three years it’s been since you assembled her. Enjoy it with a nice, lukewarm glass of wine product.

Michelada (F'realz this time)

Ok, I said I'd try to make a proper michelada so here goes. There are a ton of recipes for it online and it seems like every single one is accompanied by some stupid argument about how authentic it is.

"Don't use tabasco sauce, use cayenne and diced jalapenos!"
"Fuck that, why didn't you add clamato juice?"
"That's not a michelada, that's a chelada. Also, you're supposed to add tequila."
"No it's not! That would make a michelada cubano and why aren't you using salsa?"
"There's too much lime, use lemon."

And ON and ON and ON. Apparently, the details of a michelada vary from region to region. It's a bit like a bloody mary, except people are really particular about how their version is THE ONE TWUE WAY of making it. I'm sorry if I seem frustrated, but I spent like a half hour trying to find a recipe that didn't seem to piss anyone off and I failed. So, here is a recipe I found somewhere (I can't find it again for some reason). It's automatically rendered inauthentic because I'm a Caucasian American in New York using ingredients I bought locally so at least that takes some pressure off.

You need:
A cervesa (I used Modelo Especial)
Coarse salt
Hot sauce
Worcestershire sauce
Soy sauce
A lime

Cost: $1 - $10

Cut a wedge of lime and slit it in the middle. Run it around the rim of the glass to coat it. Salt the rim of the glass and fill it half with ice. Squeeze the rest of the lime into the glass. Add a few dashes of all of the sauces to your taste and pour the cerveza over it. Emi was kind enough to model it.

Holy shit, this is so much better. The relatively light flavor of the cervasa is mostly covered by the sauces and they all blend together nicely. Unlike the awful lemon blitzkreig in the last post, the lime is more subtle and zesty. Of course, most beer drinkers know that lighter beers and lime are bros, so that's not too surprising. It actually tastes refreshing and I'm reminded a bit of a bloody mary. The people who made that mix need to be slapped. That said, it's not really that great. I found myself wanting a bloody mary instead of another michelada, but that might be because I'm a vodka woman. I don't generally like cerveza that much either (I prefer stouts) but I will say that it tastes better in this than it does straight. If you are a fan of cerveza then you'll probably like this. I bet it's really nice on a hot day. Stay queer!

Finding Uses For Everyone's Least Favorite Candy, Round 1: The World's Worst Coffee Sweetener

Last night, I saw that my local grocery store had started selling these chalky little bastards.

They're probably even more disliked than candy corn. I snagged a box since they were dirt cheap and I figured I might find some use for them. I've decided to try and redeem this things by finding a way to make them tasty. Emi suggested that I try putting one in my coffee. Made sense to me, they are mostly sugar.

I added one to my cup and stirred for a few minutes to make sure it was at least half dissolved. It's entreaty to "Be mine" did little to stay my hand. Instead of acting as a sweetener, it made my coffee, which was black, several degrees more bitter than it had been previously. Emi agreed. Not only was it more bitter, the flavor stuck to our tongues for a good 5 to 10 minutes. I thoroughly regret this decision. God damn it, candy hearts. You're a wad of sugar and you can't even do the one thing that sugar is supposed to do. We'll see what else I can come up with later. Stay queer.

Chocolate Covered Cherrystone Clams

Allerfic to shellfish? Not in the mood to prank someone? Well, you're just not any fun at all, are you? You will, however, be gratified to know that this is a very simple recipe for chocolate dipped whatevers and you can simply replace the clams with fruit or pretzels. Chocolate dipped fruit is a big seller on Hallmark Day and stores will gouge the shit out of you for it. It might look less fancy if you do it yourself but you get more for what you pay, you can put on as much chocolate as you want, and unless the person you give it to is a materialistic brat, a homemade token of affection is much nicer than a store bought one. You know, I made chocolate dipped fruit once a few years ago with my best friend. It turned out great. I distinctly remember raising a piece of banana to my mouth and she said, “You know, you could make so much money on the internet with this.” She responded to my look of utter confusion with a knowing, “College lesbian sucks chocolate banana.” She’s earning a PhD right now.

Anyway, I really must reiterate that intentionally feeding someone something they’re allergic to without their knowledge is extremely dangerous and VERY illegal, even if the allergy is relatively minor. You can be hit with a number of life-ruining charges, up to and including murder and attempted murder. Gross someone out, don’t hurt them.

You need

Canned cherrystone clams (If you can afford fresh clams then go for it)

Toothpicks

Semi-sweet chocolate morsels

Wax paper

Butter

Total cost: $1 - $10, assuming you used canned clams

Drain the clams and dry them with a paper towel. Melt a half cup of chips and 2 table spoons of butter, margarine, or shortening in a double boiler. If you don't have one, fill a pot with a few inches of water, put another pot or ceramic bowl in the water, and bring to a boil to make a jury rigged double boiler. Take care to keep water from getting in the chocolate. Stir until smooth. If the chocolate is too thick, add more butter.

Line a baking sheet with wax paper or baking parchment and arrange the clams on it. Stick a toothpick in each one. Dip each clam in the chocolate, slowly turning it over the bowl after each dip to drip off the excess and spread the chocolate evenly, and place them back on the wax paper.

Put them in the fridge for about 30 minutes.

The buttery, chocolately goodness is shockingly tasty with clam. The soft texture of the chocolate and the clam also work well together. It pretty damn good I’d say. If you gave this to someone wearing a blindfold, you’d probably be much more likely to get a worried “Dude…what is this?” than a panicked “AAAHHHHHHHHH! *spits*” Either way, I’m sure the look on their face would be fucking priceless.

I think a token of affection is appropriate any day of the year. Don’t feel limited to giving the gift of chocolate-covered clams during the holidays or only using clams. There’s a whole world of mollusks (and gastropods, for the particularly adventurous) out there just waiting to be dipped in a concealing layer of chocolate. What better way to let people know exactly how you feel about them? Stay Queer!

Eggplant Burger

This takes about an hour, but it’s really easy and inexpensive.  I like vegan and vegetarian food and I feel like it doesn't get enough attention in this blog.  At first I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to find anything weird in that category, but then I realized that my attitude towards it isn't shared by most Americans.  I’ve seen people turn their nose up at vegan and vegetarian food without even trying it.  Some people respond to “we have regular burgers and veggie burgers” as though the person speaking had said “we have regular burgers and I farted on every single one of them.” You know what? Several kinds of Oreos are vegan.  So are Nutter Butters.  So is a wide variety of alcohol.  Keep in mind, these don’t necessarily have to be vegan.  If you really take issue with it there’s nothing stopping you from slapping some cheese on there or even just using it as a burger topping instead.  Where’s the fun in that though?

You need:

An eggplant

Burger buns

Salt

Cost: $1 - $10

Slice some eggplant into silver dollars, and skin them.  Lightly salt both sides of each slice.

Now put them between two plates.  

Let them sit like that for about an hour.  You’re basically pressing the nastiness out. If you’re wondering what I meant by that, here’s a picture.  

The eggplant will secrete a dark liquid from being pressed. I’m pretty sure I’m not winning over anyone who isn't a fan of eggplant, but oh well. Just slap it on a bun, add whatever toppings you want, and you’re done!

These are super filling and there’s barely any cleanup.  Raw eggplant is soft, with a slight crunch to it, and tastes wonderfully fresh.  It makes a really good nice snack on a hot day.  Yeah, it doesn’t taste anything like a real burger, but it’s still satisfying.  On top of being filling and tasty, it’s low in calories.  Is that lame to you?  Do you need a bad boy edge to your food?  Well, eggplant contains more nicotine than any other edible plant. According to Wikipedia, about 20 lbs of eggplant has as much nicotine as a cigarette.  Mark my words, before you know it, street toughs will be standing in corners eating raw eggplants.  Not those hoity-toity rich posers who can afford to spend mommy’s money on cigarettes.  No, these will be the hardcore hooligans who live off the streets, and need to get their nic fix from eggplants to save up money for all the switchblades and leather jackets they need.  Do you really want to get on the bad side of people like that? No?  Then stay queer, square.

Sidewalk Slammer Derivative

At time of writing, it’s the Saturday night before final’s week and I don’t have a job.  What better time to experiment with booze?  The sidewalk slammer is a relatively little know drink of choice delinquents who want to get really drunk and be awake for it.  To put it simply, it’s basically a punk rock mixed drink.  Why? Because it’s really bad for you, it’s trashy as hell, it tastes like ass, you get to drink it out of a 40, and you get a lot of drunk for your buck.  A normal sidewalk slammer is made by drinking about 2/3s of a 40 and adding a can of Sparks.  Sparks was an alcoholic energy drink.  It has since been decaffeinated, so now it’s basically alcohol that tastes like sweet tarts.  It’s just not the same anymore unless you also add Red Bull.  Basically, I’m going to see if I can make something comparable with a different brand of caffeinated alcohol.  If the pictures are horrible, you’ll probably be able to figure out why.

You need:

A 40 oz. (Steel Reserve being the most popular for this)

Colt 45 Blast (I used raspberry watermelon)

Total cost: $1 - $10

First drink the 40 down to about the bar code.

Now add the Blast.  It turned the beer an unappealing shade of pink.

Enjoy your heart palpitations!

It’s like beer and kool-aid.  It doesn’t taste good but it’s not terrible.

*6 hours pass*

Where am I? Where did this Dr.Pepper come from? What happened to my hoodie? Where did my room mate go?  Why is there an order of shrimp fried rice on my bed?  Why is it 4 am?  The answers to those question, in order, are underneath my bed, who knows?, apparently underneath me, no idea, it's best not to think too hard about it, and it's where I passed out.  Took me a few minutes to remember/figure all that out.  Yeah, if you do this then do it in a safe place with people you trust.  I can hold booze pretty well but that hit my like a train.  Luckily, I only had a slight hangover. Not gonna do that again for a looooooooong time. Now to buckle own and face the coming academic horror. I'd say to enjoy this responsibly, but that would imply that drinking this could be done responsibly, and I just can't do that in good conscience.  Stay queer!

Twinkie Wiener Sandwich

Do you want to know something totally insane?  I’ve LOST weight since I started this blog.  Granted, it’s not like I make most of this stuff more than once, but still.  I think I may be trying to see what I can get away with at this point.  In continuing with my quest to try weird food, we return once again to the land of the conveniently inexpensive, wacky snack foods.

Where did this one come from?   A little Weird Al movie called UHF. It’s gratuitously silly, and fucking awesome, and you should watch it.  In one scene Al makes and eats the titular snack.  I remember seeing it for the first time some years back and wondering what it tasted like, so why the fuck not?  Hm, Weird Al came up with a snack that is being featured in Allison’s queer blog.  Maybe it’s fate.

You need:

Twinkies: Big thanks to my friend Emi for getting them for me!

Hot dogs

Cheese whiz

Total cost: $1 - $10

It’s probably in your best interest to cook the hot dog first, but who am I to squelch your spirit?  There’s no need for words here. Let’s just watch the master.

You know, I read somewhere that Weird Al actually does enjoy these in real life. 

IT TASTES LIKE A CORNDOG WITH CREAM! :O

Holy shit…wow.  I think I just ate the platonic ideal of America.  This is the exactly the kind of grossly overindulgent, heart-attack-and-self-loathing-inducing, trashy, sugary, low class, lazy, unhealthy, fucking MIRACLE of the human mind that deserves a place on my blog!  Make this now, and then never ever do it again unless you lead an active lifestyle and generally eat right.  Oh, and you saw how he dunked it in milk?  That made it better!  Ok, maybe next week I’ll make something a little healthier.  Stay queer!

Seafood Salad Sandwich

I am tired as HELL this week.  Having discovered that roughly 40% of my food has gone bad, I think I’ll just kick back with a sandwich.  I really like seafood, so a nice seafood salad should do the trick.

Bee tee dubs, guess what you can just buy whenever? Did you guess "baby octopus"? Well done!

You need:

Flying fish roe

Baby octopus

Some of that fish cake log from the last post

Mayo

Onion

Red Pepper

Black pepper

Hamburger buns

Total cost: $10 - $20

You didn’t think I’d just pussy out and use canned tuna or something, right?  In all seriousness, I find myself using fish roe more and more in my everyday cooking when I can afford it. You may be wondering “How do I tell flying fish eggs apart from other kinds, you nasty, fucking, psycho?”  Flying fish row are tiny, orange eggs.  They’re usually on California rolls.

Normally, butchering the infants of most animals isn’t that hard but, with the octopus, you need a really sharp knife because these things are rubbery and hard to cut. Just chop them as coarsely or finely as you’d like.  Chop some onion and red pepper while you’re at it.  Afterwards, rip up some fish cake and mix it with the octopus, mayo, veggies and spice.

Kinda looks like it's missing something, doesn't it?  Add a nice big spoonful or two of fish eggs.

 Perfect.  Now slap that crazy mess on a bun.

This is fucking awesome.  It’s the best seafood salad I’ve ever had.  It’s kinda like imitation crab salad with lots of sweet little bubbles.  The octopus is tasty too, but it’s hard to describe it other than “it tastes like octopus”.  I don’t think it would be nearly as enjoyable without some crunchy vegetables in it.  The flavor is good by itself, but the texture would be a little boring without the pepper and onion.  I find myself consuming the unborn and young more than usual lately.  I’m also on my period.  Coincidence or my own brand of delicious revenge?  Either way, stay queer!

Sausage Milkshak- I mean, sausage and ice cream dip.

I was cooking datil pepper sausage for non-blog purposes today. As I lovingly parboiled it, taking care to avoid puncturing the casing, I thought to myself “It’s too fucking hot!”  Followed shortly thereafter by “What am I going to make this week?  I still haven’t gone to *spoiler* OR *spoiler*…and I still have those bread crumbs. How the hell am I going to use them all?”  So I pondered…

and pondered…

and pondered…

for a good 20 or 25 seconds. (I ponder quickly).  An idea was hatched.  An idea that would provide me with all the wonders of sausage, a way too cool, off and an excuse to use some bread crumbs.  So come friends.  Come with me on this journey.

 

You will need:

Sausage

Cheese

Condiments you like

Relish

Vanilla ice cream

Seasoned bread crumbs:  I’ll never be free, they’ll be with me always.

Total: $10 - $20

The sausage was already cooked by the time I made up my mind.  You can make sausage in a bunch of different ways, just look it up.  The trick is to cook it evenly over a medium to low heat and avoid puncturing the casing. If you don’t have the time or patience I guess you could just buy your favorite type of brats or hotdogs.  Odds are good that you won’t be able to find datil pepper sausage or sauce easily but if you can get your hands on it then go for it.  

Rip up about 3 oz of sausage into small chunks.  Throw that, some ketchup, mustard, relish, 2 oz of cheese, a quarter cup of bread crumbs and about a cup and a half of ice cream into a blender.  Fuck around with the proportions to your taste. 

Now blend!  Blend it before God and all the bones of the saints!  Ok, now you’re done.

 

Drinking this gets real nauseating real fast.  However, if you repurpose it as a sandwich spread or dip it’s quite good. On a hunch I put some on toast and suddenly I was enjoying it.  I suppose the consistency and flavor are only good in small doses.  Makes sense sort of, I mean you wouldn’t want a tall frothy glass of mayonnaise, would you?  It’s got a sweet, spicy, tomato-y flavor to it and it’s VERY thick.  You still get the hint of sausage in their too.  I guess it’s a partial success?  Kinda?  Maybe?  Well, either way, that’ll teach me to put off buying supplies.  Stay queer!

Sinner's Sandwich and Breakfast Club Sandwich

I don’t have a camera right now.  Sorry.

Every now and again you’ll see a character in a movie, video game, tv show, etc. whip up a weird meal of some sort.  Sometimes it simply isn't food (The fraggles eating girders) and sometimes it’s because the ingredients just don’t make sense (Birdemic's entire raw fish and random, possibly inedible, seaweed that wasn't even cleaned soup). I wonder about them sometimes so I decided to make two of them that come from the latter category.  The first is the “sinner’s sandwich” from Deadly Premonition, a video game that I recently acquired.  The second is the sandwich the weird chick from The Breakfast Club eats at lunch.

You need:

Cap’n Crunch or a knock off thereof

Butter or margarine

White bread

Whole wheat bread

Pixie sticks or fun dip

Sliced turkey breast

Strawberry jam

Total cost: $10 - $20 

For the sinner’s sandwich spread strawberry jam on two slices of bread.  Add some turkey and top it off with cereal.  The type of bread and cereal is unspecified.  I went with multigrain and corn flakes because I'm eating both of these sandwiches in the same day and I don't want to get diabetes. In the game, the protagonist overhears that another character ordered this and calls it a “sinner’s sandwich” because it sounds like something someone would only eat as an act of repentance, sort of like wearing a hair shirt or self-flagellation.  The protagonist is persuaded to try it after the customer overhears and insists that it’s actually quite good.  The protagonist is shocked to discover that it’s delicious.  Skip to 0:56 to get to it.

It’s actually good!  It tastes like turkey with slightly sweeter cranberry sauce and the crunch of the cereal is really nice.  The first thing that came to mind was Thanksgiving.  It’s not good enough to warrant the protagonist’s shocked reaction and order change but it is quite tasty.  Then again, he is a huge weirdo. I think that going with a relatively bland cereal like corn flakes was a good choice because I think that a sugary cereal would have made it too sweet.

One of the most famous scenes in The Breakfast Club is the lunch scene because of the weird sandwich that Allison makes.  To recreate it, butter a slice of white bread and a slice of wheat bread.  Spread the contents of a pixie stick or one bag of fun dip evenly over both slices.  Take a heaping handful of cereal and crunch it on to one slice so that it sticks in the butter. Repeat this process with the other and carefully put the two halves together.  The way the other characters react to this is priceless.

In retrospect, it was a terrible idea to have a cup of coffee before eating this.

Wow, this is more surprising than the sinner's sandwich.  It’s like a crunchy, strawberry cream filled pastry. It’s the sort of thing you eat after going through a rough breakup while listening to cheesy love songs on repeat.  My only real complaint is that I’m now uncomfortably energetic.  

I expected that at least one of these would be bad or at least taste funny.  I admit this is probably mostly because the characters who eat them are both very weird. Although, in fairness, the guy who orders the sinner’s sandwich isn’t the one who came up with the recipe.  Stay queer!

Slim Jim Surprise

Say what you like about prisoners, but they can be damn creative when it comes to food.  Prison cuisine is inexpensive and relies on ingredients that you can find at most gas stations, making it ideal for a shiftless, lazy, delinquent such as myself.  So, without further ado,  let’s take in all of the exotic luxuries of prison, with hopefully fewer shankings and destroyed futures.

You will need: 

A slim jim or similar beef stick

A bag of regular corn chips

A bag of spicy corn chips or puffs of your choice

Water

Total cost: $1 - $10

I’d like to mention that I had to go to FIVE stores for this recipe, which is the record. Apparently this part of Long Island is too good for slim jims.

Officially harder to get than instant jellyfish and quail eggs.

Feel free to use whatever brands and flavors of chip you want, prison cuisine isn't terribly delicate.  As I understand, the important thing is that the snacks are corn-based and that at least one of them is spicy.

Before we begin, I should let you know that this is SHOCKINGLY fattening.  I didn’t expect a wad of chips and beef jerky to be healthy or anything, but I’ve clocked this at about 910 calories and 59% of your daily sodium requirement.  I mostly blame the Fritos.  I plan my caloric intake around my blog posts but for fuck’s sake.  No wonder there are so many porkers on those real life prison shows.

Anyway, once you’re done apologizing to your body, crunch up both bags thoroughly and mix them together in one of the bags.  Never did I ever think I’d be glad that bags of chips are mostly air. Oh, that's another cool thing about prison cuisine; few to no dishes have to be cleaned. 

Add about an eight 1/8 of a cup of hot water a little bit at a time.  Heads up, the bag is NOT a good insulator.  You want just enough that the chip crumbs turn into a thick mush.  If necessary, drain off any excess water.   

Hungry yet?

 Cut or rip the beef stick into sections shorter than the widith of the bag.   

Now cram those into the mush.  Try and get them into the center and covered.   

If only the evidence had been hidden so well...

 Now tightly wrap the bag closed and rolled down as far as it will go.  Let it sit for about 5 minutes.

 Rip the bag open and ta-da!

It's kind of like a tamale (which makes sense because another, much more depressing, nickname for it is "prison tamale") and I’m really surprised at how well it’s holding together.  It’s a little bland though.  Hot sauce makes it better and the slim jim keeps it from tasting too boring.  It’s isn’t bad per se but it’s less tasty than each of the ingredients separately.  The flavoring of the chips is kind of lost so it's like a big wad of unsalted corn chip.  Then again, compared to prison food I’m sure it’s great.  I will admit that it is pleasantly warm and very filling so it’s probably a decent comfort food, which is half of the point of prison cuisine.  I get the feeling that I would like it much more if I were really drunk.  This thing seems like it’s specifically designed for the munchies.  Stay Queer!

Booze and bacon milkshake

My best friend (who also did some of the photography for this post) alerted me to the fact that a restaurant somewhere rum and bacon milkshakes on its menu.  This interested me enough to want to try to make one, but not enough to actually look for a recipe or stay true to more than 50% of the stated main ingredients.  I decided to make my own version.  I didn’t even measure 3 of the 5 ingredients because I'm a rebel like that.

You will need

Liquor: I used this cheap brand of burbon called 10 High. 

Milk

French Vanilla ice cream

Oreos

Maple Bacon

Price range: $20- $30

The burbon was free and everything else was on sale, so it was actually more like $10 in my case. You can make a LOT of shake with a small amount of ingredients. Why not have some friends over and make a day of it?

 

Anyway, fry yourself up some bacon to your desired crispiness.  I made three strips.

 

Next add milk and three oreos to a blender.  Don’t use much milk if you want a thick shake.  The bourbon thins it out considerably. Of course, you can always add more milk or ice cream later if you're not happy with the consistency. 

Now add your ice cream.  

Add a generous amount of booze.

Throw the bacon in.

Now blend it like you mean it…

… and if your feeling decadent:

I love it. The bourbon, oreo and maple all combine into a sort of amaretto-ish flavor.  The bacon is reduced to a billion tiny bits so if you want to taste it you have to chew it a little bit. The resulting texture is slightly grainy but, since the bacon is also soft, it's not gritty or gross.  The sweetness of the maple bacon and kick of the burbon compliment each other nicely.  By the way, the other ingredients do nothing to mask the taste of the liquor, which could make it or break it for some. This is a really fun recipe and it's a great comfort food. My only complaint is that it may put you into a sugar coma.  Stay queer!