Maison du Fou

This recipe was inspired by the constant misrepresentation, denial, deluded bragging, and outright lying that people do online. In addition to the concept of deception, this sandwich is based on two of the more famous French sandwiches: the croque-monsieur and the pan-bagnat. I invite the gourmands and gourmets among you to take a shot whenever you feel your soul hurt, which will be pretty often.

You need:

A small baguette or similar roll

Miracle Whip

imitation crab

turkey bologna

swiss cheese

cocktail onions

imitation bacon bits

egg beaters

Total cost: $ 10- $ 20

Slice a small baguette or whatever similarly proportioned roll you could find at the local bodega in half. Lay both sides flat. Preheat an oven to 350.

Spread Miracle Whip lightly on both sides. Note that the croque-monsieur is made with a white sauce and Miracle Whip is white; ergo fuck it, same thing.

Cut three slices of precut swiss cheese and three slices of turkey bologna in half and distribute them evenly across both halves of the bread, with the cheese on top of the bologna. Swiss is just gruyere’s less pretentious cousin and turkey bologna is like the ham of the proletariat, so really we’re just taking sandwich-making back from the fat cats.

Place about 2.5 oz of imitation crab on top of the cheese on the bottom slice. Imitation crab is pollock dressed up all fancy-like, making it superior to the lowly tuna, which is only ever used to imitate dirty vaginas. Put that in the oven for 10 minutes on a baking sheet lined with tin foil because fucked if you’re doing dishes today, what with all of the tv there is.

Scramble up one serving of egg beaters, adding whatever spices you prefer. Note that hardboiling eggs must not be all that great since you can’t hardboil eggs from a carton and cartons are the only type of packaging that the government nanobots can’t penetrate. Add some cocktail onions. They will add a touch of class and surely signal to your beloved that you will both be sipping martinis on the beach just as soon as that hapless Nigerian prince is able to recover his inheritance. True, they do not come in cartons (Cocktail onions, that is. You’ve never seen a Nigerian prince, so you can’t be certain.), but it’s good to diversify. It keeps your mind open, unlike all of those heckling bastards online who were too narrow-minded to understand that your PhDs in homeopathy and faith healing make you an expert on oncology.

When the sandwich has finished cooking, carefully place the scrambled egg beaters atop the pollock and give the whole mess a generous sprinkle of imitation bacon bits. Chipotle sauce is also recommended.

Cut the sandwich in half, give half to your girlfriend, put Lars and The Real Girl on yet again, and wonder why your lover hasn’t said anything in the three years it’s been since you assembled her. Enjoy it with a nice, lukewarm glass of wine product.

Huitlacocha AKA Cuitlacocha AKA Smut Corn Breakfast Burrito

It's pretty amazing what humans can eat. It's even more amazing that we can take so many seemingly gross things and make them tasty. More amazing still is our ability to take a gross thing, which is objectively rotten, infected, or otherwise spoiled and sell it for an inflated price. Welcome, friends, to the world of smut corn!

Smut corn starts out its life like any other ear of corn until, one day, it's infected with a charming little fungal disease called "ustilago maydis", which enters the ovaries of the corn and replaces the kernels with big, mushroomy tumors. The name "huitlacocha" roughly translates to "sleeping shit". So, these are sleeping shit corn ovarian tumors. Nom nom nom! It's important to harvest smut corn before the fungus runs its course because, near the end of it's life cycle, the tumors are filled with spores, which hurts the texture and flavor of the tumors, and sanity of everyone within a 20 foot radius, unless they pass a DC 25 will check. Of course, as an avid consumer of hot dogs, my disgust is purely playful. There's also no way that this could be grosser than raisins. BTW, you'll have left over smut corn since this recipe is too big for one burrito so either refrigerate the excess or have some friends (or enemies) over and a make a day of it. Depending on tortilla size and how full they are, you could probably make somewhere between 4 and 8 burritos.

You need:
A can of smut corn
A small onion, 2 cloves of garlic and some serrano chilies. 
Eggs
Tortilla
Salsa
Oil

Cost: $10 - $20 because a can of smut corn cost me $7.99. This (sleeping) shit is EXPENSIVE unless you live right near where they cultivate it or you have your own little plot of diseased corn. Oh, by the way, smut corn does occur (I was gonna say "grow" but "occur" seems more appropriate) in the US but it's almost always thrown away; there have been targeted efforts here to eradicate ustilago maydis. What don't Big Pharma and the corn magnates want us to know??

Chop up your veggies and heat a few tablespoons oil in a skillet over medium heat. Sautee the onion and garlic until the onion is translucent, which should take about 3 or 4 minutes. Add the diced chilies and sautee them for another minute or two. 

Doesn't that look nice?

Now add your smut corn.

Huh, I see where the name comes from now.

Stir it constantly for about 6 minutes. If you over cook these things, they get slimy. The only thing worse than tumors in your burrito is slimy tumors in your burrito, amirite? Take that off the heat and set it aside.

Here's what an individual tumor looks like.Fans of Final Fantasy X might find this vaguely familiar.

Beer bottle is for scale.

Just for a quick break from the unrelenting horror, here is a picture of my room mate's cat, chilling in a box which we have dubbed The Dread Fort, along with his second in command, Moose Bolton:

The sign reads "No Girls Allowed". It's his man cave, you see.

Anyway, in another pan, melt some butter. In a bowl, beat two eggs and add seasoning to your taste. Transfer the eggs to the skillet, add a few large spoonfuls of the smut corn mixture, and quickly scramble the eggs.

Transfer that to a tortilla, add a nice big dollop of salsa and wrap that bitch up.

Huh, not bad by itself. Kinda like spicy, mushroomy, black beans. It's awesome as a burrito filling! The texture is very soft, the closest comparison I can give is refried beans, but it's not as thick and sticky. When you bite into a tumor, it's kind of like a sauteed onion filled with a mushroomy and almost kinda cheesey thick cream inside of it. It's better than black beans actually and it's delicious with the eggs. Wow, if you get the chance to have smut corn in a burrito or quesedilla, fucking go for it. I devoured this thing. I just wish it were cheaper here. Lesson learned I guess: maybe if someone compares someone or something to shit, they only mean aesthetically. Stay queer!

Terrine de canard a l'Armagnac

Eh, what the hell? Might as well give the others reviews. After translating the ingredients I decided that the video to go with this post should be a bit less toddler-mistaking-mom's-cries-of-ecstasy-for-permission-y and more pretty-French-music-y. 

What better way to acquaint yourself with a melange of organ and who knows what else than with the accompaniment of one of France's most beloved chanteuses? Kind of makes you want to stop listening to that dubstep shit so the rest of us don't have to listen to you blast what sounds like an early 90's dialup connection fucking a synthesizer, right? Anyway:

I know canard means duck, so a bit of the mystery is gone. Not sure what Armagnac is. I guess it's a proper noun, but that's all I got. BTW, just to prove I wasn't lying about it looking like cat food earlier:

This one smells a bit more like tuna. 

The flavor is stronger and less nuanced. It tastes more like regular liverwurst. It’s textured similarly to the last terrine, but slightly more coarse. I think this has more liver in it than the last one. I'm not sure if it has duck liver, duck meat, or both, but it does feel and taste slightly more meaty. It’s a bit more like a meat paste, or sausage filling. Something heavier is in there too, somehow it seems to have a touch more bite than the last one. This one is also quite good. I think people who prefer stronger flavors would like this better than the last terrine. Let’s see. The ingredients are:  lean pork fat, chicken liver, duck, eggs, milk, Armagnac (a type of brandy), salt, and pepper. Ok, so it was brandy. Damn, that's fancy. Stay classy, France and stay queer, readers!

Terrine aux Cepes

Apologies for the lack of accent marks in this post. Feel free to draw them on your computer screen to compensate.

Despite prayer, all of the letters I sent to the French military, and no fewer than 3 separate facebook petitions, my sister (author of Jennyphoria) came back from the Paris for a brief visit. She was kind enough to bring some gifts, presumably as an apology for breaching her containment overseas, among which was a variety pack of terrine.

According to Wikipedia terrine is “a French forcemeat loaf, similar to pate.” You had me at forcemeat loaf. I’m still deciding if I want to review one or several terrines because I don’t know how similar they are. We’ll see I guess. You know, I keep looking on the back to look at the nutrition info, and ingredients despite the facts that 1) there are no nutrition facts, which I have been well aware of since the first time I checked, and 2) the writing on the box requires far more skill with French than I have, which I have also been well aware of since the first time I checked.

Ok, enough fucking about. Let’s get down to business. I’m going to try…

You know, I never thought I'd see fancy French food with a pop tab on it.

Smells a bit like cat food, looks a bit like cat food, has taken the shape of the can in a manner similar to cat food. You're supposed to eat it on crackers or toast points. At this point in my life, I know better than to turn my nose up at something simply because it reminds me a bit of cat food. I realize that that previous sentence must have raised a few eyebrows, so I’d like to clarify that if something looks and smells a bit like cat food, it probably has liver in it.

Wikipedia was accurate, the texture is similar to pate, only less smooth. It tastes moderately like liver, and its got a hint of black pepper, and cheese, even though I don’t see fromage anywhere on the ingredients list. The flavor is a bit mild, but that works just fine, as it allows the spices to shine through more. There’s something more I can’t quite place, but it’s familiar, and flavorful. There’s also a slight hint of…bacon? Let’s see. According to google translate, this is made of lean pork fat (explains the bacon), chicken liver, eggs, milk, mushrooms, salt, and pepper. Mushrooms! That’s what it was. This was tasty. French food is generally pretty awesome. Also, they make way better condom commercials there.

Stay queer!

Fried Chicken Hearts

I find myself increasingly open to trying organ meats. I was hesitant about the tripe, I was slightly apprehensive about the tongue, and when I saw a package of chicken hearts I excitedly purchased it without a second thought.

Really, who could resist?

Since this is something I’ve never cooked before, I’ll go to my old standby and fry them up.

You need:

Scallions

Garlic

Chicken Hearts

Oil

Total: $1 - $10

Coarsely chop as many scallions and garlic cloves you’d like. I used three of each.

Sautee them in oil until the scallions and garlic start to brown slightly.

Add the hearts. Stir occasionally, to turn the hearts and keep the veggies from sticking to the bottom of the pan.  You want the hearts to turn dark brown.

It’s like a fatty piece of dark meat, only it’s a bit hard to bite through. Cardiovascular muscle is pretty dense and these feel almost like they have a sausage casing over them. It's not half bad, especially if you like dark meat. I even made a sandwich with it.  There is the slight disadvantage of my girlfriend refusing to kiss me, but that shouldn’t affect you because I’d punch you if you kissed her anyway. Despite devouring the hearts of an entire farm of chickens, I'm not sure if I absorbed any of their power. Hopefully I’ll gain their strength and courage in addition to what I have already, and not as a complete substitution. Stay queer!

Spicy Crab and Pineapple Omlette

I was going to do something Halloween-themed, since it’s my favorite holiday.  Unfortunately, my schedule has been more crazy than usual.  In fact, I actually made the dish for this post over a week ago, I just haven’t had the time to write something up. Expect something Halloween-themed (or at least filled with candy) next week.

I decided to try a little crossover of Caribbean and omelette this time. Caribbean often combines fruit and seafood to delicious effect. I see no reason why it shouldn't be a part of breakfast.

You need:

Crab (canned is fine): 3.29

Cheese: 1.79

Eggs: 1.79

Salt and pepper to your taste

Hot sauce: 1.29

Total cost:  Less than 10 bucks.

More seafood, more omlettes, as it should be.  It may seem like I’m being lazy and cheap, but that’s just because I am.  Now, this recipe is very similar to the eelmlette, but there is a fundamental difference.   Step 2 of the eelmlette is “add eel”, whereas step two of this recipe is “Add pineapple hot sauce, cheese and crab.”.  You will notice that none of those things are eel.  (We will ignore for now that the eel wasn’t actually eel either.)

Ok.  Step 1: Start making an omlette.

Step 2: Add pineapple hot sauce, cheese and crab.

Step 3: Finish making omlette.  

Those of you who live in temperate, sub-tropical or tropical areas with access to the ocean will probably be totally unsurprised to hear that hot sauce, crab, and pineapple all taste very nice together.  Those of you who do not, are allergic to shellfish or who scream like a little girl who just stepped on a worm when presented with any cuisine more exotic than a corndog, may be a bit surprised.  (Also, if you’re in the latter category then kindly fuck off back to mommy’s kitchen.  This blog is for those of us who ate sandwiches with the crust on as kids and like our orange juice with extra pulp, bitch!)  The pineapple gives you a nice little burst of juice whenever you bite into a chunk and mixes quite nicely with the hot sauce and cheese, although the pineapple juice can make it a little runny.  I like the texture of the crab meat and the flavor is pretty subtle.  I guess I just didn’t use enough crab.  Also, it made my girlfriend throw up in her mouth. It’s her own fault though, she’s a vegetarian and she watched me make it, so she should have known better.  That’ll teach her to be supportive!  So yeah, sorry for the lateness and brevity.  I just finished with my midterms and I have a proposal due tomorrow. (The cash monies!  I needs them so bad!)  Happy Halloween everyone!  Eat loads of candy, get drunk, and stay queer!

Eelmelette

I continue my campaign of destruction against the young and unborn this week.  Why?  Because I found this in a grocery store:

 

You don't see that every day.  Also, it’s supposed to be spicy.  Good enough for me.  What better way to try them out than to smother them in congealed milk and lovingly wrap them up in a layer of chicken menstruation?  They look kind of like giant pin worms.

 

You need:

Eggs

Cheese

Baby eel

Total: $1 - $10

I usually don’t add milk to omlettes.  The chef in Deep Blue Sea discourages it at one point in the film, and any black, comedy relief character who manages to survive in a film about giant, monster sharks probably knows what’s up.  That’s not why I usually don’t use milk, it’s just that you can’t argue with that kind of logic.

So yeah, here we go.

STEP 1: Start to make an omlette.

STEP 2: Add eel.

STEP 3: Finish making the omlette.

It seems that more and more of my posts contain foods that conceal horrible secrets. Unfortunately, my pics got deleted.

It has a weak sweet and fishy flavor but it tastes really good with the cheese and some red pepper.  The texture isn’t weird or nasty at all.  They feel sort of like soft, short pieces of cooked spaghetti.  I thought actually having one in my mouth would feel gross or something but it’s really fine. 'Twas a fine eelmlette indeed.

Ok, confession time: it’s not REALLY eel.  It’s “Eelbroods of Surimi”.  Surimi is made of fish, there’s no eel in it.  Interestingly enough it lists “natural aroma of eel and ink” in the ingredients though.  As far as I’m concerned, it’s still weird. Besides, why spoil the illusion before the very end of the post?  Where’s the fun in that?  Also, I bought it before I realized that, so there’s that too,  Stay queer!

Sinner's Sandwich and Breakfast Club Sandwich

I don’t have a camera right now.  Sorry.

Every now and again you’ll see a character in a movie, video game, tv show, etc. whip up a weird meal of some sort.  Sometimes it simply isn't food (The fraggles eating girders) and sometimes it’s because the ingredients just don’t make sense (Birdemic's entire raw fish and random, possibly inedible, seaweed that wasn't even cleaned soup). I wonder about them sometimes so I decided to make two of them that come from the latter category.  The first is the “sinner’s sandwich” from Deadly Premonition, a video game that I recently acquired.  The second is the sandwich the weird chick from The Breakfast Club eats at lunch.

You need:

Cap’n Crunch or a knock off thereof

Butter or margarine

White bread

Whole wheat bread

Pixie sticks or fun dip

Sliced turkey breast

Strawberry jam

Total cost: $10 - $20 

For the sinner’s sandwich spread strawberry jam on two slices of bread.  Add some turkey and top it off with cereal.  The type of bread and cereal is unspecified.  I went with multigrain and corn flakes because I'm eating both of these sandwiches in the same day and I don't want to get diabetes. In the game, the protagonist overhears that another character ordered this and calls it a “sinner’s sandwich” because it sounds like something someone would only eat as an act of repentance, sort of like wearing a hair shirt or self-flagellation.  The protagonist is persuaded to try it after the customer overhears and insists that it’s actually quite good.  The protagonist is shocked to discover that it’s delicious.  Skip to 0:56 to get to it.

It’s actually good!  It tastes like turkey with slightly sweeter cranberry sauce and the crunch of the cereal is really nice.  The first thing that came to mind was Thanksgiving.  It’s not good enough to warrant the protagonist’s shocked reaction and order change but it is quite tasty.  Then again, he is a huge weirdo. I think that going with a relatively bland cereal like corn flakes was a good choice because I think that a sugary cereal would have made it too sweet.

One of the most famous scenes in The Breakfast Club is the lunch scene because of the weird sandwich that Allison makes.  To recreate it, butter a slice of white bread and a slice of wheat bread.  Spread the contents of a pixie stick or one bag of fun dip evenly over both slices.  Take a heaping handful of cereal and crunch it on to one slice so that it sticks in the butter. Repeat this process with the other and carefully put the two halves together.  The way the other characters react to this is priceless.

In retrospect, it was a terrible idea to have a cup of coffee before eating this.

Wow, this is more surprising than the sinner's sandwich.  It’s like a crunchy, strawberry cream filled pastry. It’s the sort of thing you eat after going through a rough breakup while listening to cheesy love songs on repeat.  My only real complaint is that I’m now uncomfortably energetic.  

I expected that at least one of these would be bad or at least taste funny.  I admit this is probably mostly because the characters who eat them are both very weird. Although, in fairness, the guy who orders the sinner’s sandwich isn’t the one who came up with the recipe.  Stay queer!

Spiced habanero peanut butter cookies

The bread mix wasn’t the only thing my sister (who has requested that I refer to her as “the cool sister” from now on) gave me.  I also got a jar of habanero peanut butter, and what better way to try it out than to make peanut butter cookies with it?  .  

No, I'm not being sponsored by Asskickin' (not the company anyway). 

Well, I guess this is the good stuff because it separated.  The oil is red. I like how this is going so far. “Maybe they aren’t fucking around”, thought I.  I tasted a bit and indeed they are not.  I’m getting the full effect of both peanut butter and straight hot sauce.  I guess if you want to make your own you could just add some ground habanero or hot sauce to regular peanut butter.  By the by, once it’s been stirred up it doesn’t look or smell any different from regular peanut butter, which could make it awesome for playing practical jokes.  Also, you didn’t hear that from me.  This is probably a good time to mention that intentionally feeding someone something that they’re allergic to without them knowing can land you in very serious legal trouble so don’t be too much of a jerk.   

There are a million different, yet highly similar, recipes for peanut butter cookies so don’t feel like you have to use the one I’m using.  As long as peanut butter ends up baked into some sort of cookie-like confectionery you should be golden.  In my opinion, the focus of peanut butter cookies should be peanuts, so this recipe is pretty much straight peanut butter topped with peanuts. I think that actually makes it gluten-free.

You will need:

Some marriage of hot pepper and peanut butter

Eggs

White sugar

Baking soda

Vanilla extract

Salt

Thai spiced peanuts (You can buy these from some grocery stores or make your own)

Butter or baking parchment
Price range: $20 - $30

The following recipe may need to be tweaked if you're using crap like Skippy but that’s really more of a problem for you than for me, isn’t it? Preheat your over to 350.  Grease or lay baking parchment on a cookie sheet.  Mix together a cup of peanut butter and a cup of sugar until it’s thoroughly blended.  If there are any lumps in the sugar try to break them up before you start mixing.  The resulting dough is really sticky and thick so stirring out any of the little bastards is a bit of a pain.  Stir in one egg in, ½ teaspoon of vanilla extract, 1 teaspoon of baking powder and a pinch of salt.  Happily, I now get to revisit my favorite part of the spiced prune and cheese pudding.  Put about 1/3 of a cup of peanuts into a resealable bag, smash them up with something that your ex gave you until they’re ground to whatever consistency you desire, and stir them into the dough.  Roll the dough into balls and place them on the baking sheet.  Cookies made with this recipe don’t spread much so they don’t need that much room. Depending on how big you make them, you should get between 18 and 24 cookies.

Now lightly press a fork into each one.  This flattens them out, which makes them cook more evenly and makes them look kinda cool.

Cook them for 20 minutes. They should come out really soft.  They firmed up a bit after they cooled but not very much. I mean, they're wads of peanut butter after all.

Wow.  Peanut butter and pad thai got drunk and had a love child.  A love child that listens to punk rock, has 3 girlfriends, and is full of hot sauce.  These are wonderfully peanut buttery and sweet.  The combination of heat, thai spices, and peanut is really tasty and the texture is very pleasant.  It isn’t as strong as the beer bread but it’s still pretty hot.  They also smell like pad thai.  The effect is kind of weird but it’s not bad.   In addition to how good they taste, I think they could be really versitle.  They would be great for a chili festival or with beer and pizza or teaching roommates, pets, and rascally, Dickensian urchins a learned aversion to stealing your food.  Stay queer!

Spicy Beer Bread!

This week was pretty busy, so I didn’t have much time to scout for new recipes.  Luckily, one of my sisters gave me a late birthday gift: beer and habanero bread mix!  

My culinary equivalent of two abusive lovers unified by way of bread; what could go wrong?  As you probably noticed, it advertises that it will “Kick yo’ ass!”, and I will be very disappointed if it doesn’t deliver.  Many a beverage, sauce, or dish has promised me a mouthful of hot, fiery capsaicin, only to deliver the tiniest whimper of heat, leaving me feeling unsatisfied and ashamed.  As a nod to the time honored tradition that is drinking in the morning, the bag also has instructions for French toast too.  

You will need:

A package of Ass Kickin' Beer Bread mix

A beer. I went with Yuengling Black and Tan (Big thanks to my friend Mik for buying me a 6 pack of it earlier this week!)

A dash of cinnamon 

Butter for greasing a pan 

A tablespoon of milk(soy milk works too)

1/4 tablespoon of vanilla extract
Price Range: $10 - $20

Lightly grease the bottom of a 13 x 9 pan and preheat the oven to 350.

The bag itself contains a package of bread mix and a small packet of ground habanero. The mix itself smells like it has some kind of hot pepper in it as well.  The bag recommends putting in different amounts of the ground pepper based on how spicy you want it and there's more than enough to induce heartburn and firehole.  Naturally, I put the whole thing in.  Just add the beer and stir it all together.  The dough is really thick and gooey, like biscuit batter.  Pour it into the pan and spread it as evenly as you can.

Bake it for 50-60 minutes.  It’s done when the top is brown and crunchy.

It tastes awesome!  It has a texture like cornbread and it's really, wonderfully spicy.  The heat takes a second to hit you and builds up gradually so be careful about eating it too quickly.  It tastes great with butter and honey.  I'd also recommend having some milk on hand.  Now for the French toast.  Melt some butter in a frying pan.  Mix together one egg, a table spoon of milk, a quarter tablespoon of vanilla extract, and a dash of cinnamon.   

That’s enough to coat one slice.  Coat a slice with as much of the mixture as possible and start frying it.  Pour any excess mixture on top of it.   

Fry each side until the egg is cooked, about 2 minutes per side on medium heat did it for me.

The French toast is quite good!  It’s softer and easier to cut than normal French toast too.  The addition of the egg coating delay the heat a bit and let's you taste the toast itself. I’m really enjoying the contrast between the sweet and spicy and it's quite good with maple syrup. 

Stay queer!

Baked Quail Eggs

For whatever reason, quail eggs are really easy to find in NYC.  Cheap too. For whatever reason, I'm intrigued by the prospect of eating eggs that don't come from chickens, especially if their visually distinct and/or not from an avian. Lemme give you a sense of scale compared to a chicken egg.  

Kinda cute, right?

They seem to be as versatile as chicken eggs, although you do need more of them.  Just take any recipe with eggs, multiply the amount you need by 6, and you'll be golden. For example, most quail egg omelette recipes call for 20. It's not really worth in for day to day cooking though, since a carton costs as much or a bit more than a carton of chicken eggs. This particular dish is a French hors d'oeuvre, of which there are a billion variations.  

Frozen pie crust

Carton of quail eggs

Black lumpfish caviar

Price Range: $10 - $20

You could always splurge on caviar that isn't disgusting, but obviously it'll cost more. If you're going to spread fish embryos over quail embryos, you might as well go all out, amirite? To start I need to make some mini pie crusts.

Press baking parchment into a muffin tin and put uncooked crust into it, bake for 15 minutes at 450.

Crack an egg or two (which ever fits) into the shell.  By the way, cracking these things is kind of difficult because the shells are kind of thik.  You have to sort of forcefully slap them with the blade of a butter knife and crack them in half. 

Spread baking parchment over a baking sheet and place the crusts on it.  Return it to the oven at 350 for 10 minutes.  Remove them from the oven and spread some caviar on them.

Well, this is…unremarkable.   Apparently quail eggs taste just like chicken eggs.  It’s like a poached egg in crust.  Not bad at all but nothing special.   It’s a bit like walking 3 city blocks to a restaurant, spending $15 on a semi-exotic sounding sausage dish and getting a regular hot dog with some soy sauce on it. Maybe experimenting with different toppings would improve it. The caviar is like hateful little balls of salt and I really can't recommend it. In all fairness, lump fish caviar from Key Food probably isn't the best around. Hot sauce probably would have been better. Oh well.  If nothing else you can now rest assured that there’s no reason to shy away from quail eggs. 

Stay queer!