Monday, October 31, 2011

Spicy Crab and Pineapple Omlette

I was going to do something Halloween-themed, since it’s my favorite holiday.  Unfortunately, my schedule has been more crazy than usual.  In fact, I actually made the dish for this post over a week ago, I just haven’t had the time to write something up. Expect something Halloween-themed (or at least filled with candy) next week.

I decided to try a little crossover of Caribbean and omelette this time. Caribbean often combines fruit and seafood to delicious effect. I see no reason why it shouldn't be a part of breakfast.

You need:

Crab (canned is fine): 3.29
Cheese: 1.79
Eggs: 1.79
Salt and pepper to your taste
Hot sauce: 1.29
Total cost:  Less than 10 bucks.

More seafood, more omlettes, as it should be.  It may seem like I’m being lazy and cheap, but that’s just because I am.  Now, this recipe is very similar to the eelmlette, but there is a fundamental difference.   Step 2 of the eelmlette is “add eel”, whereas step two of this recipe is “Add pineapple hot sauce, cheese and crab.”.  You will notice that none of those things are eel.  (We will ignore for now that the eel wasn’t actually eel either.)

Ok.  Step 1: Start making an omlette.

Step 2: Add pineapple hot sauce, cheese and crab.

Step 3: Finish making omlette.  

Those of you who live in temperate, sub-tropical or tropical areas with access to the ocean will probably be totally unsurprised to hear that hot sauce, crab, and pineapple all taste very nice together.  Those of you who do not, are allergic to shellfish or who scream like a little girl who just stepped on a worm when presented with any cuisine more exotic than a corndog, may be a bit surprised.  (Also, if you’re in the latter category then kindly fuck off back to mommy’s kitchen.  This blog is for those of us who ate sandwiches with the crust on as kids and like our orange juice with extra pulp, bitch!)  The pineapple gives you a nice little burst of juice whenever you bite into a chunk and mixes quite nicely with the hot sauce and cheese, although the pineapple juice can make it a little runny.  I like the texture of the crab meat and the flavor is pretty subtle.  I guess I just didn’t use enough crab.  Also, it made my girlfriend throw up in her mouth. It’s her own fault though, she’s a vegetarian and she watched me make it, so she should have known better.  That’ll teach her to be supportive!  So yeah, sorry for the lateness and brevity.  I just finished with my midterms and I have a proposal due tomorrow. (The cash monies!  I needs them so bad!)  Happy Halloween everyone!  Eat loads of candy, get drunk, and stay queer!

Sunday, October 16, 2011


I continue my campaign of destruction against the young and unborn this week.  Why?  Because I found this in a grocery store:

You don't see that every day.  Also, it’s supposed to be spicy.  Good enough for me.  What better way to try them out than to smother them in congealed milk and lovingly wrap them up in a layer of chicken menstruation?  They look kind of like giant pin worms.

You need:
Baby eel
Total: $1 - $10

I usually don’t add milk to omlettes.  The chef in Deep Blue Sea discourages it at one point in the film, and any black, comedy relief character who manages to survive in a film about giant, monster sharks probably knows what’s up.  That’s not why I usually don’t use milk, it’s just that you can’t argue with that kind of logic.
So yeah, here we go.

STEP 1: Start to make an omlette.
STEP 2: Add eel.
STEP 3: Finish making the omlette.

It seems that more and more of my posts contain foods that conceal horrible secrets. Unfortunately, my pics got deleted.

It has a weak sweet and fishy flavor but it tastes really good with the cheese and some red pepper.  The texture isn’t weird or nasty at all.  They feel sort of like soft, short pieces of cooked spaghetti.  I thought actually having one in my mouth would feel gross or something but it’s really fine. 'Twas a fine eelmlette indeed.

Ok, confession time: it’s not REALLY eel.  It’s “Eelbroods of Surimi”.  Surimi is made of fish, there’s no eel in it.  Interestingly enough it lists “natural aroma of eel and ink” in the ingredients though.  As far as I’m concerned, it’s still weird. Besides, why spoil the illusion before the very end of the post?  Where’s the fun in that?  Also, I bought it before I realized that, so there’s that too,  Stay queer!