Peanut Butter and Jelly Vodka

I had to start this post off with the product itself. Really, how do you introduce that? Oh, Van Gogh will your whimsical shenanigans ever end?

Naturally, you can’t just buy a bottle of PB & J vodka any old time. You have to make a thing of it. Luckily, I just moved into a new place and my new roomie loves PB & J. Having recently dubbed myself her “substance abuse fairy”, I decided that this would be a nice celebratory gift. Partly for the novelty, partly because it’s Van Gogh, partly because her shitbag ex-roomie stole some of my beer and I wanted to bring something that that cunt wouldn't want in the event that he was around it. I figured I couldn’t do much better than this. The bottle was about 30 bucks, which is pretty good for this brand. Such a pretty bottle too.

Drinking it straight

It smells like some really weird combination of alcohol, grape jelly, and bread. I can’t quite describe it beyond that. It’s really fuckin’ weird. Flavor-wise it’s like toasted peanut, wheat bread and a hint of grape jelly. I’m not complaining too hard because the fact that it even passingly tastes like a PB & J sandwich is impressive. The real problem is that the grape jelly is understated. Roomie and I decided that this could not stand and went on a mission to find the perfect mixer to fix this tragedy.

Pepsi

In a twist that I never expected, the only effect Pepsi has is that it totally swallows every flavor except the bread. Not kidding. If anyone was wondering, bread vodka is not a particularly exciting or delicious beverage. Moving on…

Cherry Kool-Aid

Awful, awful, awful, awful.Too sweet, too weird, too much bread. I think I added some triple sec to see if it would help but I honestly don’t remember too much about it because we were entertaining some guests and I had brought several bottles of liquor with me when I moved in.

Grape Fanta

If this seems like the only mixer that had any rhyme or reason to it, it’s because we finally went food shopping instead of just trying to work with whatever was lying around the house. This is probably the best we could do and it is awesome. It doesn’t drown out the peanut flavor and the soda really brings out the grape in a way that’s wondrously cheap-tasting. It’s like shitty grape jelly from a squeeze bottle. Between that and the fact that the drink is purple, it’s like a cocktail for your inner child. Stay queer!